Editorâs note: This story discusses sexual assault and PTSD and may not be suitable for all readers.
BURLINGTON â When facing confrontation, most people assume their first response will be either fight or flight. For some, particularly those who are survivors of sexual assault like Adrianne Melby, the response is to freeze.
Melby, a Burlington-native mother of five, has been freezing more lately.
Like many other survivors of trauma, she doesnât wear a mask. âIf I even try and put a mask on, I feel like Iâm going to hyperventilate.â
That can be common for those who have experienced trauma, specifically sexual trauma.
âEveryone reacts differently to trauma. People have different triggers,â said Samantha Sustachek, program director at Sexual Assault Services of Racine County. âFor some survivors, they donât have an issue with masks ⌠for others, it is a trigger.â
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But worse than that, Melbyâs freeze response kicks in when she sees others in masks. Unable to read concealed facial expressions and seeing men whose identities are unknown, panic sets in.
A common symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is hypervigilance â a feeling of being constantly âon guard,â especially when in the presence of strangers. Even when there isnât a pandemic, when Melby checks out at the grocery store, she makes sure to stand in front of her cart, a guaranteed barrier between herself and others.
But now, as more people have begun wearing masks, Melby can feel judging eyes as she doesnât wear a mask.
âI donât know whatâs happening behind the mask,â she said.
Melby is not required to wear one under the governorâs order â which has a limited list of exceptions that includes those with medical conditions, like PTSD â but she is terrified of being confronted.
One of the documents from Gov. Tony Eversâ office regarding the mandate says directly that if you see someone else not wearing a mask indoors, you should leave them alone. The same goes for the reverse: donât confront others for wearing a mask, or for not wearing one.
But plenty of videos on social media and eyewitness accounts have shown people being verbally assaulted for their decisions, one way or the other.
In a Facebook post ahead of Eversâ order going into effect, Caledonia Police Chief Christopher Botsch pleaded with the public: âWhatever your position is regarding the Governorâs Order, we implore civility towards one another ... While everyone may not agree on this topic, I am hopeful that tolerance and civility will rule the day.â
Melby is terrified of what would happen if someone, particularly a man, ignored those pleas for civility.
Remembering
Melby was molested over the course of years by her grandfather when she was a child. She didnât report it, having been âgroomedâ to keep it a secret â a common tactic of abusers. According to research published in the âPsychology, Public Policy, and Lawâ peer-reviewed journal, fewer than 40% of children who experienced sexual abuse âdisclose the fact that they have been sexually abused.â
But another person assaulted by Melbyâs grandfather did report it, landing him in prison.
Then, when she was 19, Melby was raped by a boyfriend. She described him as âsomeone I thought I could trust.â
Years later, Melby had found stability. She was married and became a mother. She had managed to maintain a relationship with her grandmother, even after her grandfather got out of prison.
Adrianne Melby poses with her husband, Aaron.
One day, she took her daughter to her grandmotherâs. Her grandfather wasnât supposed to be there. He was. Melby froze. He assaulted her again.
This time, she reported it. He went back to prison for breaking his parole. He died there. But the damage was done.
The trauma imprisoned her. It became a struggle to leave the house. From 2009-2012, she barely left Burlington. Going to Union Grove with her husband was âa monumental achievement.â
It took two years of therapy and receiving continuous support from close friends and family, plus getting a medication for her anxiety and connecting with a âwonderful, incredibleâ counselor. On Saturday, she spoke in Madison at a rally protesting the mask mandate. Doing that would have been unthinkable a decade ago.
Adrianne Melby, left, speaks with a family during the ReOpen Burlington rally on May 2 at Echo Park.
Fighting orders
Melby has been outspoken against the statewide mandates coming from Madison since the beginning. She co-organized the ReOpen Burlington rally in May, calling for an end to the Safer at Home order.
When someone else wears a mask, âI donât hold that against them. Thatâs totally their choice,â she said. âI didnât get to choose what happened to my body when I was a child ... I should be able to choose whatâs happening to my body now ... I think I should be able to do it without fear of being assaulted physically or verbally now.â
Dana Pellebon, the senior director of client services for Madison-based Rape Crisis Centerâs, told a Madison TV news station last month: âWith the proliferation of how shaming is working on the internet, it is a barrier for some to then go out to the store knowing that you may not be able to wear a mask in the same way, knowing that you may be confronted by people.â
However, masks or otherwise, survivors of trauma are facing extra barriers right now. In Wisconsin, and in many other states, appointments with doctors or therapists or counselors can only be in person if both the medical professional and the patient are wearing masks. But a lot of survivorsâ PTSD makes it functionally impossible for them to wear masks, especially not for any significant length of time.
âI canât see my counselor even if I need to see my counselor,â Melby said. âItâs a vortex type of thing,â a Catch-22.
At Sexual Assault Services of Racine Countyâs locations in Racine and Burlington, in-person sessions can only be held if both the counselor and patient are wearing a mask. Otherwise, phone calls and HIPAA-compliant video chats are the only options.
The therapists at Sexual Assault Survivors of Racine County âprefer to work on that trigger and get them past it,â Sustachek said, but itâs more challenging to perform that therapy without in-person sessions.
On top of that, the feelings of isolation experienced by most people right now amid the pandemic are heightened for survivors, who typically experience feelings of isolation after an assault.
âSexual assault survivors often feel isolated to begin with â feeling like they canât talk about what happened, like they canât reach out to help, like no one will understand,â Sustachek said.
The interpersonal distance created by the pandemic and peopleâs reaction to the coronavirus have only made those isolated feelings worse.
Sharing her story
After Melby made a Facebook post opening up about her assaults and how affected she was by so many covered faces during the pandemic, Melby said she received several messages from other survivors experiencing the same thing.
To get her message out, she reached out to a handful of local politicians. A couple of them responded. When Melby talked to those representatives, she felt unheard. One of them talked to her about poll numbers and how fighting the mask mandate wouldnât fly. Another talked to her for a few minutes on the phone but planned no action.
She was hurting. There was no help.
âThis large number of sexual assault survivors are being discriminated against. It feels like I have to fight to get into a grocery store to get food for my family.â
25 photos and 2 videos from a ReOpen Burlington rally on May 2, 2020
Swinging on a closed swingset
'We miss our customers'
Ted
No mask, mask
Social distancing? What social distancing?
Signs along Milwaukee Avenue
Signs along Milwaukee Avenue
This man wants a haircut
At the ReOpen Burlington rally
A man kneels next to his "No Work=No Taxes" sign
A Prince fan
'It's not always Safer at Home'
Sign asks for reopening of businesses, criticize Mayor Jeannie Hefty
Riding the supposedly off-limits swing
A counter-protestor
Signs call out Evers
Could they close?
These protesters 'do not CONSENT'
ReOpen Burlington rally: âThe excessive closures do not match the effects of the virusâ
Organizer and her sign
A medley of protesters
Woman at protest wearing Donald Trump-branded apparel and a mask
Sign criticizes socialism
Organizer chats
Organizer speaks
Protest signs
ReOpen Wisconsin organizer speaks at rally in Burlington
The Journal Times does not name victims of crimes unless given permission. In this case, Adrianne Melby approached a reporter. She wanted to share her story. âIf I can help one other person feel more comfortable to be out in society,â she said, âor protect one other person from being victimized, then speaking out is worth it.â
âI donât know whatâs happening behind the mask.â
Adrianne Melby, assault victim