Schools

The Menace Of Bullying: What Nashua Parents Are Saying

A Patch survey shows broad concern about the extent of bullying in schools and frustration that school policies don't fully address it.

A recent incident of middle school bullying in Nashua has shined a light on the problem in New Hampshire.
A recent incident of middle school bullying in Nashua has shined a light on the problem in New Hampshire. (Shutterstock)

NASHUA, NH — An informal survey of Patch readers in New England shows great concern among parents about the extent and severity of bullying their children experience in school and online. Almost nine in 10 parents said their child had been bullied at least once, and nearly half said the bullying had occurred frequently.

Parents left little doubt as to the consequences of unchecked bullying, saying their children dread going to school and their grades have suffered, that they have been forced to change schools, that they have been physically harmed or suffered from low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Some parents said they knew of bullied children who had committed suicide.

As one parent wrote in a typical comment:

Find out what's happening in Nashuawith free, real-time updates from Patch.

"My daughter was bullied so badly in high school she was suicidal. If it weren't for one teacher who made her feel wanted and smart, I don't know what could have happened. She had to take a gap year before college because she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression to the point she couldn't get out of bed."

And while most parents said school officials in their communities have adopted policies intended to curb or stop bullying, many believe those policies are poorly enforced — if they are enforced at all. Parents used terms like "ineffective," "inadequate" and "a joke" to describe them.

Find out what's happening in Nashuawith free, real-time updates from Patch.

A recent incident at Fairgrounds Middle School in Nashua where a father posted videos of his daughter being attacked on social media has helped shine a light on bullying in city schools and what can be done about it.

Patch has undertaken extensive coverage of the bullying issue in The Menace of Bullying: A Patch Advocacy Reporting Project.

The regional parent survey, timed to coincide with National Bullying Prevention Month in October, was posted on more than 100 Patch sites in Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Rhode Island. The survey is not scientific, but could be considered a broad indicator of parents' feelings about the seriousness of bullying in their schools and communities.

Here are some of the responses from the Patch survey from Nashua:

"A lot of children are scared to go to school or refuse to go to school. ... Better support (is needed) for kids who are bullied, and educating the bullies on what they are doing, and also find out why it is happening."

"Many kids become depressed and don't want to go do school activities. They don't have many friends (and are) afraid they will get hurt again. ... (School officials) should take action and make it known that it is unacceptable."

"(School officials) should actually enforce zero-tolerance policy."

"I think there is a major problem in Nashua right now and (it) needs to be addressed. ... There is lots that need to be done. They need to stick to their no-tolerance policy and enforce it. Protect children from repeat offenders that should be immediately expelled from the school system."

"Kids are being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Kids miss school because it makes them physically sick knowing they have to see their bullies every day and there's nothing they can do. ... LISTEN TO THE VICTIMS. Stop punishing the victims for standing up for themselves."

"Kids leave the district with trauma from cyberbullying and other in-person forms of bullying that aren't handled correctly. Kids are often afraid to speak up because of how things are handled. ... Get the police involved with cyberbullying more often."

"First (thing), is to take every case of bullying, especially those of assault, seriously. There should be clubs, programs available in schools to raise awareness against bullying and violence. Peer mediation sessions, random acts of kindness boards to leave random messages of kindness etc. to promote kindness. I think that would be a good start. Also, meeting with individual parents and the child who is bullying to come up with a plan in order to help the child correct inappropriate behavior. If bullying continues after attempts have been exhausted to prevent bullying and violence, then expulsion or being sent to an alternative school maybe. Personal experience shows kids who are suspended don't care. Their parents don't care either if they come from a bad home situation. ... Better monitoring of children at dismissal and morning drop off."

"ENFORCE the zero-tolerance (policy). Have the parent of the bullies be held accountable for their children, (and) that the student suffer a consequence that will help make them not of the same thing again. Ultimately (have) the bully be removed from the school and have to attend an alternative school if they cannot function as a non-bully."

"(Bullying victims) are scared to be themselves. They will always struggle with a lack of self-confidence. ... Bullies travel in packs. Put them in a room ask them whats the point? Let them know people are people, and their feelings matter. Let them know people may look the way they look for a reason, people are born the way they are. And who are they to judge?"

Take the Patch bullying survey

More than 420 parents responded to the Patch survey. The key findings were:

  • Nearly 89 percent of parents said their children had been bullied at least once, and nearly half — 47 percent — said bullying had been frequent. Only 11 percent said their children had never been bullied.
  • Bullying took many forms, from teasing and name-calling to exclusion from groups to physical harm such as punching or kicking. Nearly a third of respondents said their children had experienced some sort of physical harm.

These informal findings should be compared to statistics compiled in more scientific surveys, which note that:

To comment on this story, email bullies@patch.com. And to learn more about bullying prevention, visit Patch partner NoBully.org.

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