NYC SantaCon Horror Stories: Festive Tales Of Seasons Past

NEW YORK CITY — There are Santa pros and then there are SantaCons. Many, many cons.

To celebrate the oncoming SantaCon 2019 — slated to hit New York City on Dec. 14 — Patch has collected New Yorkers' favorite memories of festivities past.

These city holiday fables were gathered through an online survey and on reddit. Please enjoy, and feel free to share your own in the comments below.

And happy, happy holidays to all.

'I Don't Remember Where I Left My Underwear!'

"We were walking home from a birthday party with my 5-year-old daughter. It was a lovely evening in Gramercy, with the snow falling and creating a holiday card scene. Out walked a bunch of swaying young women trying to hold each other up, dressed in Santa short dresses, accompanied by drunk Santa bros. One of the young women declared, "I don't remember where I left my underwear!" Needless to say, my daughter had many questions." — Jennifer Hampton.

Explaining

"My friend's son asked him "'Dad, why is Santa puking on the train?'" —Redditerlittlemissemperor.

'Who Punches A Car?'

"As I'm riding in an SUV down Sixth Avenue, some genius Santa decided he would hail a cab IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. When my Uber driver tried to signal to this kid to get out of the middle of a multi-lane avenue, the Santa PUNCHED THE CAR. Who punches a car? If it's you vs. an SUV, the SUV will not budge, Sir. The driver jumped out of the car and had a screaming match with the kid, but nothing violent. He got back in and drove me home." — Kim, born and raised in NYC.

Nope, Not Your Car

"I was driving in the city with my dad and a huge drunk guy stumbled into the backseat of the car and my dad had to get out in the middle of traffic and pull him out. — Redditer _seaweed_.

'Please Just Smoke Weed'

"Vomit on our stoop, every year. Not cute. Super's 75-year-old dad has to clean it up. Every year.
If you can't hold your liquor, please just smoke weed. Please travel home before you need to vomit. Please know that drinking lots of booze from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. will likely make you vomit." — Kate, Lower East Side.

Survivors' Tale

"My dog nearly ate Santa's vomit, the morning after. I'm pretending I got him away before he touched it. It's the only way I can survive. — Redditer eekamuse.

These responses have been lightly edited for style.