"When I watched 'Pink', I remembered how Asaram Bapu’s lawyers would try to victim-shame me in court by asking where I was touched"

KOLKATA: She can easily be mistaken for any other college girl who loves Akshay Kumar’s action films. But her tone changes when the 20-year-old girl gets talking about the “unholy” crime of Asaram Bapu against her and her legal fight against the godman that ensured his life imprisonment. On her maiden visit to Kolkata where she is being honoured for her bravery, she shares her dreams of being an IPS officer one day.

Suspicion over activities inside Asaram’s ashram arose for the first time in 2008 when decomposed bodies of two boys, whose parents were his followers, were found near the ashram.The self-styled godman was arrested in 2013 after she accused him of sexual assault in his ashram on the outskirts of Jodhpur. He was charged under sections of the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act and the Scheduled Castes and Tribes (Prevention of Atrocities) Act. Finally, he was arrested from Indore and brought to Jodhpur central jail on September 1, 2013. But he had dismissed the girl’s allegations and went on to claim impotency as an alibi, which was subsequently rejected after he passed the potency test. On April 25, this year, Asaram was pronounced guilty of the charges and imprisoned for life.
Two bouncers stand in guard inside the room where she settles down to talk. Her parents – both very scared of her security – sit at a distance while she recalls the shocking incident at the ashram in Manai near Jodhpur. “There was one girl in my hostel who was branded as being ‘possessed’. She was made to stay separately. Sometimes, she would utter strange sounds. Everyone was scared of her. I have a feeling that there were times when she would put up an act. During those days, I had once fallen sick. My head had reeled in the bathroom. Our hostel warden claimed that I too was possessed. She made me stay up all night and chant the mahamrityunjay mantra. I was not allowed to go anywhere but sit in the puja hall. The next day, they did ‘havan’ etc. The ‘possessed’ girl was also called. She too claimed that I was possessed,” she recalls.
In the meantime, her parents were informed that she was unwell. When they came down, they were told that she needed to be taken to Asaram who would exorcise and heal her. But the meeting left a permanent scar.
There were others too, she claims, who have gone through similar experiences. “Many knew about it. But they never said anything. Some had surrendered themselves and were brainwashed completely. For them, everything he did was acceptable,” she says.
After being abused, she had immediately gone to her parents and told them that he wasn’t a ‘good man’. “I am very frank with my parents. They had got a hint. However, I didn’t have the guts to say everything at one go. I started thinking. When I went home, I revealed everything about him. My parents rallied behind me. We believed just can’t be scared and allow a predator to get away,” she says, adding the battle against power, faith of 2 crore followers and political clout has been extremely tough.
Does she have any idol today? Any inspiration? Social activist and businessman Kamal Gandhi, who has been instrumental in getting her family to Kolkata to honour her, calls her a braveheart. Someone says she is the modern-day Jhansi Ki Rani. Who does she seek inspiration in? “I worship Maa Durga. Otherwise, I can’t mention anyone who inspires me. Sometimes, it feels strange that even after so much of technological advancement, there are people who remain blinded. I guess, we understand the damage only when we personally go through the ordeal,” she says at one go.
During the course of her battle, she lost two years of her education. However, her identity in school was protected. “The day the verdict made headlines, I heard my teachers applauding the courage of the girl who had complained. I had smiled without letting them know that I was the one who had complained,” she says.
She is glad that more and more survivors and common people are now vocal about bringing predators to task. “I was amazed to see the audacity of Gurmeet Ram Rahim. He did movies and lived as if no one could touch him,” she says. Even the massive outrage in the Kathua rape case is a good sign, she says. “Earlier survivors would be told to hush-up. They would be told that speaking up would mean them not getting groom to get married. Of course, there is a huge backlash when one is protesting against the powerful. But I’m glad that more and more survivors are not succumbing to these pressures. Had I not spoken out, he would still be roaming around free and violating so many other girls. It’s important to stop someone like him. I was ready to face anything once I had decided to fight against him,” she says, adding, “When Asaram didn’t understand that my no-means-no, he had to pay for this cardinal error”.
It isn’t surprising that she had found resonances with scenes of Taapsee Pannu’s character assassination in Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury’s “Pink”. Does she know that the director is from Kolkata? “Yes, I do. In a courtroom that was populated by men, Asaram’s lawyers would repeatedly try to embarrass me. They would invariably want to point at flaws in my character. I used to wonder how people can ignore the flaws of an elderly person who was engaging in such dirty acts and instead question my integrity. Sometimes, I would break into tears,” she remembers. Her parents weren’t there along with her in the court. “I only had two lawyers. But he had a battery of lawyers. Repeatedly, they asked me where exactly he had touched me. But, the judge was supportive. He would stop them when they tried to intimidate me this way. Even Asaram – sitting behind a curtain – would intermittently make all kinds of sounds to scare me,” she says.
She was only 16 then and had to frequent courts for one-and-a-half years. Initially a little awkward, she could soon see through the “ploy” of victim-shaming. “I shut them up by I narrated everything. If so much had happened to me, why would I feel scared to speak up? I had done no wrong. Why should I be ashamed?” she asks.
After a long day at the court, she would go to her hotel. “Sometimes, I would cry. I would ask why am I being subjected to all this despite speaking the truth?” she recalls. Music was a healer. She would plug in the ear phones and listen to meditative chants before falling asleep. When she woke up, it would be time for visiting the court again. The hypocrisy of some people in her hometown in Uttar Pradesh sometimes surprised her. “They would praise me in front and question my integrity and spread rumours in my absence. They would say things like ‘kya pata, waha pe kya hua thaa’ (how do we know what had actually happened?),” she remembers. After a point, she stopped reacting to rumours. “There were death threats too and pressure to withdraw the case. But I had made up my mind. However, I’m not sure if Asaram is repentant even after conviction. Even if the media asks him about this now, I am sure that he will make up some stories to prove that he isn’t guilty,” she says. What are her dreams made of now? “I want to become an IPS officer. I am preparing for that,” she reveals.
With threats looming over her, with her family members battling so many odds to protect her, is there anything that scare her now? “No, earlier I would be afraid. I would react if people said if you do this, you will be cursed. Today, I can’t recall anything that I am scared of. The word fear doesn’t exist in my dictionary,” she insists.
What if she met the godman again? “Despite the conviction, I find it surprising that he still has blind followers. Main usse achhe se marna chahungi... I have so much of anger inside me against him that I might end up hitting him if I ever meet him again. Doesn’t he have any shame? So many people have worshipped him. How can he do this? He should be taken to the crossroads and taught a lesson,” she says.
Has faith/trust become a casualty after such an incident? “Yes, it has. My family members were his devotees. I used to go to saatsangs since I was a kid. For me, he was like a god. I used to pray to him thrice daily. I studied in his school and stayed in his hostel. Worshipping him was in my blood. My entire belief-structure got rudely shaken after this incident. It’s not easy to trust people now,” she says. Otherwise, she is like any other college girl who loves Akshay Kumar’s movies, is fond of Anushka Sharma’s acting and enjoys music that calms the soul.