Just broke up? Throw a ‘pity party’ to heal

Cry your eyes out and you will feel much better — how often have you heard someone say that? And not without reason as it’s been hailed for its cathartic value. Being with yourself and letting your emotions out could be the key to bouncing back stronger than before. All you need to do is get the box of tissues out, tuck into some comfort food and soak in the moment.This state of being has a name, too. It’s called a ‘pity party’ and is a quiet healer.
‘I purged out all the negative emotions and felt better’
When marketing executive Rishna Sharma was suddenly ‘ghosted’ by the guy she was seeing for over two months, she felt lost. “He just stopped texting me. I tried to reach out, but got a flimsy excuse at first and that was it. There were no calls or messages after that. He also stopped coming to the café where we used to hang out,” she says. Unable to deal with it, the 27-year-old did what most people do after a heartbreak — sat at home, cried and stopped meeting anyone. “That was my pattern for, at least, a week,” she said, adding, “But at the end of it, I felt more sorted. I purged out all negative emotions and felt stronger.” What Rishna didn’t realise is that she had just thrown herself a pity party. This type of party, say experts, is important to experience emotions like crying, which leads to healing. Says psychotherapist Suchitra Inamdar, “It’s an enriching, socialising process. While forced emotions are not a good idea, having a space that helps you get connected to your own self and brings out the real you makes a difference. This is important as it helps you see things in a conscious manner. It is more about how well it helps you connect with yourself without any filters or baggage in between. Being with ‘me and my core levels’ is what everyone should look forward to. Also, the process of catharsis works differently with different age groups.”
Convert the pity party into a productive process
Suchitra advises not to force a pity party on yourself. “The experience should be enriching. It should help you to emerge more beautiful, calmer and in sync with yourself. Once you are calmer in your space, you can use the time to learn something new. It’s all about how creatively you handle yourself,” she states.
Taking time off during the period helps as you undergo a lot of emotional turmoil, adds Jayanti Debray, clinical psychologist and counsellor. “There is an obvious tendency to rebound and make a wrong decision. So, the time off helps organise thoughts through the confusion. Finding peace with one self is the best thing one can do at this time,” she says.
A pity party also takes place in our lives more times than we realise — for instance, when someone passes an unsavoury remark at home, the workplace or among friends. “Often people do indulge this at a mild level, but I would advise finding a balance and keeping your mind open for positive learnings and taking up yoga or some other form of exercise.” So, don’t let anyone tell you to stop moping as it cleanses you of negativity, leaving you refreshed.
How it all began
A pity party is a time of feeling self-indulgently sorry for yourself. In 1978, American country singer Barbara Mandrell sang a song about ‘having a sad pity party’ after her lover left her.
Its benefits...
- A pity party is about ‘me time’
- It allows you to express your emotions
- It also breaks into the current stress or tension
- Let’s you reorganise, re-strategise and set new goals
- It gives you the opportunity to think rationally
Did you know?
A ‘pity party animal’ is one who indulges in excessive self-pity.