Patriots

If you were listening to Jacksonville sports radio this week, here’s what you would have heard

Jacksonville Jaguars defensive tackle Malik Jackson celebrates as he leaves the field after a 45-42 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers in a divisional playoff game.

By Mark Dunphy

Commercials. So. Many. Commercials.

You would also have heard plenty of Blake Bortles defenders, a few Tom Coughlin devotees, and one sizzling hot take that tourists visit the city of Boston to use the bathroom then leave.

Here’s a snippet of what Jacksonville sports radio sounded like ahead of the AFC Championship game:

‘Harp on Sports’ with Seth Harp (930 AM)

Movies need a villain like Freddy Krueger. Somebody that makes you gnaw and grind your teeth. That’s what the Patriots are for most of America.

The 2001 St. Louis Rams are the 2017 New England Patriots, and the Jaguars are those Patriots.

‘The Frangie Show’ with Frank Frangie (92.5 FM)

Blake Bortles is like a pitcher in baseball who allows one run when his team scores two, seven runs when his team scores eight. The only stat that matters now is wins.

Blake’s bad looks really bad. He can make some awful decisions.

Dan Shaughnessy’s prediction for Sunday was replayed over and over again in Florida. On 98.5 The Sports Hub, Shaughnessy said, “The notion that the Patriots will lose this weekend is preposterous. No team quarterbacked by Blake Bortles is going to beat Tom Brady and Bill Belichick in the AFC Championship. Not gonna happen.”

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The host of ‘The Frangie Show’ wasn’t having it.

Don’t ask the yahoos in Boston, the Jaguars absolutely have a chance to win.

‘The Drill’ with Dan Hicken and Jeff Prosser (92.5 FM)

‘Mahk’ from Boston called the show to talk Tom Coughlin and Doug Marrone. Mark said he was in Jacksonville selling medical supplies, but the hosts weren’t buying it, and Mark was soon revealed to be Christian Fauria, former Patriots tight end and current host of WEEI’s ‘Midday with OMF.’

Can you imagine anyone from the dumb, meathead city of Boston outsmarting any of us? Who would even try that?

‘Midday Chalk’ with Rick Ballou, Joe C, and T-Wigg (92.5 FM)

I like the New England secondary. They have crazy, crazy chemistry. At times last week they made the Tennessee Titans look like they shouldn’t even be on the same field.

‘The Drill’ with Dan Hicken and Jeff Prosser (92.5 FM)

The hosts had a sharp back and forth on whether Tom Coughlin’s experience against the Patriots will help the Jaguars on Sunday.

If the Jaguars beat the Patriots this week, it’s going to be because of the incredible players they have, not because the Giants beat the Patriots [in 2007].

If the Jaguars beat the Patriots this week, they should rename Everbank Field, Coughlin Field.

Neither host envisioned a repeat of last year’s Super Bowl.

If the Jags are up 28-3 there will be no comeback. This is a different animal to that Falcons defense.

There was a local news story about an eighth grade teacher who replaced all the founding fathers in a picture with Jaguars players in an effort to ‘disregard all things patriots.’ Cornerback Jalen Ramsey replaced a signer of the Declaration of Independence.

But the spiciest samples of Jacksonville sports talk came when the conversation turned beyond the football field to the city of Boston itself. ‘Mahk’ needs to get back on the phone and defend his hometown.

Who wants to live in choked-off Boston? We visit, we use the bathrooms, and we leave. That’s how it goes in those Northern cities.

People up there think we work on farms and crawfishing. No. We’re smarter than you and we’re better looking. You go to Boston to go pub hopping and get drunk. If there’s any other reason to live, you live in Jacksonville.

Regardless of the outcome of the football game, that’s three hours, you got the rest of your lives to suffer up there in Massachusetts while we’re in sunny Florida.