Christmas gifts for UT Vols fans, Tennessee QB Jarrett Guarantano, Neyland Stadium and more

John Adams
Knoxville
Smokey high fives fans before the Tennessee Volunteers take on the Missouri Tigers in Neyland Stadium on Saturday, November 17, 2018.

My Christmas shopping is already done. And all it cost me was time.

Craig Jenkins: A bumper sticker that reads “Kill It and Grill It.”

Uncle Tommy: Hiring and firing power at UT.

Angela Gosnell: A laugh muffler.

Serena Williams: A restrictor plate for her temper.

Pam Spruiell: A lifetime pass to Rick Springfield concerts.

Brenna McDermott: Anything orange.

Kyle Shurmur: A Power T for target practice.

Migos: A Pulitzer.

Manny Machado: A hustle clause in his new contract.

Jon Gruden: His old job.

Raiders: Tom Flores

Steve Megargee: Davis Cup tickets.

Preston Hood: A map of Mongolia.

ETCH third floor: Gourmet vending machine.

Serious Football: A comeback.

SNL: An Alec Baldwin impersonator.

Jimmy Hyams: A Natchitoches meat pie.

Marriott: William Holbert paintings in every room.

Chris Marshall: A Grammy.

Dale Wolfe: A smooth trigger finger.

Melinda Adams: An Irish accent.

John Adams: Another best-seller.

News Sentinel: An office manager half as good as Donna Colburn.

Major League Baseball: A pitcher limit.

Margie Holbert: Talking felt dolls.

Atlanta: A bigger bypass.

Tennessee fans: A bumper sticker that reads: “Neyland Stadium is a treasure.”

Ben Easterday: A German shepherd to train.

SEC: A website worthy of its football reputation.

Men’s Final Four: Rick Barnes and Bruce Pearl.

Women’s Final Four: Tennessee and UConn.

Amit Patel: A second-chance dance.

Ben Frederickson: A cure for his headaches.

Jordan-Hare Stadium: Press box telescopes.

Vee Oglesby: A crown that never comes off.

Andrea Stansberry: A cross-country championship.

Tony Headrick: A Mandarin duck in his backyard.

Clayton Kershaw: A playoff pitch.

Christian Yelich: A playoff bat.

Brendan Quinn: A wall big enough for his plaques.

Aaron Rodgers: A receiver with the acceleration of his girlfriend’s car.

Aaron Torres: 1,500 words.

Joe Rexrode: A steak so raw that it moos.

Tony Basilio: Another degree.

Paul Jones: A bumper sticker that reads: “My son is a Ninja Warrior.”

SEC football: Better offensive coaches.

Big 12 football: Better defensive coaches.

Billy Royce: Catnip.

Mary Constantine: A happy flight.

Smoky Mountains: A shuttle system.

Littons: Breakfast.

Phil Kaplan: Platinum premier.

Mike Wilson: A Chipper Jones bobble-head doll.

Blake Toppmeyer: Legalized gambling in Tennessee.

Dan Fleser: A cat-bite kit.

Lady Vols basketball: More five stars.

UT football: More four stars who play like four stars.

INSIDE UT SPORTS:Follow the Vols all year long

Jonathan Toye: A Texas drawl.

Tom Roberts: A left-handed hook shot.

Troy Provost-Heron: Continued recovery from the West Town accident.

David Powell: A bumper stick that reads: “I’d rather be on a Harley.”

Rick Russo: Body armor.

Jarrett Guarantano: Body armor.

Mike Strange: Normandy.

Neyland Stadium: Wider seats.

Udit Chaudhuri: A News Sentinel subscription.

Larah Grayson: The shirt off my back.

Mary Ann Venable: The best of health.

John Adams is a senior columnist. He may be reached at 865-342-6284 or john.adams@knoxnews.com. Follow him at: twitter.com/johnadamskns.

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