New Mexico ranks 4th most likely to be catfished

Las Cruces Sun-News

LAS CRUCES - Dating in the digital age can be hard, and swiping right doesn't always mean he's "Mr. Right." Getting to know a person online comes with challenges — is this person who they say they are?

In the Land of Enchantment, online daters are more trusting than most. According to a report by HighSpeedInternet.com, "2019 Catfishing Numbers by State," New Mexico had the fourth most romance scams per capita.

The report finds states in the west rank higher, possibly because lower population density makes it more likely for people living in those states to seek relationships online.

Today, most people date online before ever meeting in person, making it easier for scam artists to prey on innocent, unsuspecting people looking for love.

Falling for a online romance scam is often referred to as "being catfished." Catfish develop romantic relationships online by gaining their victim’s trust with fake online profiles and stolen photos.

In fact, the Better Business Bureau reports that as many as one in seven online dating profiles are frauds.

Donna Cyr of Las Cruces learned all too well what a catfish can do. She is sharing her story of a fake online romance in hopes it will prevent other people from falling for a catfish.

Donna's story

Cyr said she began dating online almost a decade ago. She said she was looking for a true, genuine relationship. What she got was anything but.

"I started off with Tagged (an online dating service) and met him on it in 2010," Cyr recalls. "We messaged each other. Then I gave him my phone number and we texted and talked on the phone."

Cyr planned a first date with "Zeke," who was allegedly in the Special Forces and stationed at Fort Bliss in El Paso.

"He was supposed to come to Las Cruces to meet me but there was a major storm at the time. They closed off the interstate, so it was pouring."

The first date never happened.

"And then all of a sudden he said that he got transferred. He said Special Forces just have to get up and move whenever they're told to."

But Cyr said she was still hopeful she would eventually meet Zeke.

"He still kept in contact with me. He called me from his location where he said there was a tornado, I could hear the sirens at the hospital where he was at. He was a Special Forces medic, supposedly. He would talk to me everyday on the phone, three or four times a day," Cyr said. "They transferred him all over. He would tell me all the places he's been. One time he told me he wasn’t going to be able to talk to me for a while because he was going to Afghanistan. He said he would be able to check his email once a month."

Excuse after excuse

Cyr said their relationship blossomed to the point that they even talked about marriage. Even though they were in love, however, she still hadn't met Zeke in person.

"I would ask for proof of identity but he always said he couldn't because he was Special Forces," Cyr said.

She was suspicious, of course.

"One day out of nowhere he got blown up, stepped on an IED. He had to go through hundreds of surgeries from what he told me," she said.

Cyr said it was at this point in their relationship she was desperate to meet Zeke. "He wouldn’t let me come to the hospital. He kept saying, 'I don’t want you to see me like this.'"

Zeke had an excuse for every potential get-together, Cyr said. He once booked tickets to return to El Paso, but a few days before he was to come, he would cancel, "because of the military."

The military seemed to be his mistress.

"My family knew about him, my friends, everybody knew about him — even my husband now. I had pictures of him on my refrigerator and I told my now husband, 'If this guy calls me and comes to my front door step, I’m going with him.'"

Catfish caught

Cyr said she discovered Zeke was possibly lying when he accidentally sent her his location through a text message.

"He accidentally dropped a pin on me one day, it pins someone's exact location. I was able to get his exact address," Cyr said.

"Everybody told me he was scamming me and told me he wasn’t a real person," she said. "I had someone investigate his address and they found his real name in five minutes. I spent hours upon hours trying to look for him. I found pictures of him and his wife on a cruise ship. I confronted him about it and he said they were divorced. He was such a good liar, he totally made me believe his story."

Cyr said at one point she went as far as applying for the popular MTV series, "Catfish: The TV Show," but decided against it when she discovered Zeke might be married.

Six years later

Cyr said after six years of lies and deception, she finally cut off contact with Zeke.

She is now happily married to a man she has met face-to-face and says she's now put the past behind her.

"I’ve spent so much time on (Zeke). I had six years worth of text messages and when I got married I deleted all of them. I shed so many tears because I was in love with somebody who I've never met. I know every bump on his face, his hands ..." Cyr said. "I was so obsessed with him, I don’t know what it was. It was like a game I had to win. I let myself be open and let someone take advantage of my mental state."

Red flags to look for

Looking back, Cyr said there were several red flags, and said she wishes she could do things differently.

"He was all about lies, but he never asked me for money. He never sent pictures of other people with him … just him. I would ask him to send me pictures of he and his friends at dinner but he never would," Cyr said. "A lot of these men say that they’re widowed and they'll post a picture of them with a child. That’s how they get women, because it makes them feel sorry for them."

Cyr said to ignore a potential date if they can't find the time to meet in person.

"Don’t waste your time if they don’t want to meet you at least after a month or it will go on and on," she said. They will suck you in and play with your mind."

According to HighSpeedInternet.com, following these tips can help you avoid a catfish:

Keep conversations in an online dating app for as long as possible. Once you take conversations to text or social media, you give a potential scammer more of your personal information to work with.
Be wary of anyone who asks you for information that could be used in identity theft. This includes the obvious types of data, like bank information, but it also includes answers to questions that could be used to verify your identity like the name of your childhood pet or your mother’s maiden name.
Don’t send money to someone you haven’t met in person. Never. Even if you’ve been in an online relationship with this person for years, don’t trust them with your money.
Trust your gut instinct. If something seems strange, or too good to be true, cut off communication. You’re probably talking to a catfish.

Studies show that only 10 percent of people who’ve been catfished report the incident. But reporting the incident could help prevent additional crimes. To report a catfishing incident, go to the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center at www.ic3.gov.

Jacqueline Devine can be reached at 575-541-5476, JDevine@lcsun-news.com or @JackieIsDevine on Twitter.