I have spent the last week showing a lot of homes and land to a lot of different people. Someone from England, some people from Tennessee a couple from the Front range, a fella from Kansas. And here’s what I decided. We really need to be careful who all we’re letting in here.
Nothing, I mean absolutely nothing will cause you to appreciate how wonderful Montrose is like meeting people who want to live here. They are in the throes of love. Crazy falling in love. Montrose is a jewel (quote from a client) a precious jewel and they would be honored if they could call this place home. Montrose would be loved, treasured, valued like the absolute work of art she deserves — if only they can find a little corner of our town to call home. And I am joining them on their quest and we will find their home. But, every now and then we have someone who has zero business moving here. Who seems to want to move here and turn Montrose into wherever it is they are moving from. And I can’t help but wonder why in the heck you would move somewhere if you were happier with the place you came from? (I know — work and whatnot) but I’ve decided we need an application. All the local real estate agents should pile our infinite resources (we are like superheros with batcaves and stuff) and we will create an application process and if you aren’t well vetted and deserving you don’t get to come. Here are some of my suggestions.
Do you vote the way I vote? (Just kidding) Only a jerk would base their community and friendships on placing people into two clubs where we only appreciate and value those who are on “our” side of the line… I mean who would look at the world in such a binary way? That would be ridiculous. Can you imagine if all the media sources and news coverage tried to paint our communities and our country as “us” and “them?” It would be childish and irresponsible and honestly a hateful way to use political theatrics to sell news stories. Nonsense. Glad we don’t live in a world like that.
But really… Here’s the application.
Are you concerned that Montrose won’t have enough of a “nightlife?” If so, point your car due west and make a left on I-15. You will find a whole heap of nightlife less than a days drive. Have a blast. We are sorry we lost you. Horsefly closes around 9 p.m., same with The Vine. Mi Mexico is open until 11 on Saturday. If that’s too early we’re going to be a disappointment.
Are you worried that there aren’t enough of your favorite chain restaurants? You need a Macaroni grill or an Outback Steak House? Grand Junction is waiting — He’s calling your name (Grand Junction is obviously a dude) and if Junction isn’t enough Denver or Salt-Lake should fit the bill. We do have a few chain restaurants, more will come, but if bigger is better then go bigger!
What if it’s too big? Are you needing a tourist destination community? Worried that you need to be able to ski-in-ski-out? See… we don’t even have skiing. We are where you buy your groceries on the way to skiing. I know — you can’t afford Telluride or Crested Butte and you’re too cool to live in Mesa but if your dream is to be a ski bum and your pocket book isn’t lining up with your self-image I think you’re going to be pretty miserable here. We are the hospital where they will fly you when you’ve shatter your knee snowboarding, but we aren’t where you snowboard. And we are happy not to be. Living in the tourist trap with the chaos and parking and crowds and attitudes is not what we want. We like visiting the crazy and when we’ve had enough, heading back to sanity and our serene little valley. It’s the best of both worlds… but don’t live here feeling like you settled for second best. For the folks who live here, Montrose needs to be the girl of your dreams… not a consolation prize.
And please don’t move here if you like regular consistent weather, or humidity, or oxygen. We are low on air… and really, pretty low on dependability of any kind when it comes to weather. Mother nature is often on a bit of a tear. Very moody and unreliable. But — dependably unreliable. You get used to the swings, and you learn to appreciate them. But, if you want to know what tomorrow will bring… don’t bring those dreams here.
What about your tolerance for people? See, in a city you can isolate yourself and keep to your own genera. Not only can you isolate yourself financially (the rich people live here and the poor people live there), but many cities are islands of race and values. In Southern California I could pick a city and you could guess with 80-90% accuracy the financial status, race and often the religion and politics of the person who lived there. That’s not true in smaller communities. High end golf courses are next to low end trailer parks. There are hippies and ranchers and marijuana growers and Mormons. We are eclectic and varied and it’s a beautiful thing. I’m not sure why that’s unusual, but it is, and we are blessed to have it. If you want to avoid those people who don’t think like you, this isn’t the place.
But — if like many of my clients — you could go anywhere in the world, and the place that stole your heart is Montrose… I want to invite you to the party. This town is an absolute gem and I’m so glad we have folks who genuinely appreciate her charms moving here. (Jerks need not apply.)
Twyla Righter is a native of Western Colorado. She is the mother of three children bent on world domination (they have pie charts) and a proud CASA advocate. She writes two columns for The Press as well authoring the definitive guide to a horrible pregnancy: “About That Pregnancy Glow.” Righter’s “Outside the box” column appears every other Friday in the Montrose Daily Press.