Do you hate it when your friends are fighting? Or do you say you hate it and secretly relish the drama and track every jab?

Of course this is about the fried chicken sandwich marketing bonanza ....err, war… now unfolding on Twitter, much watched, “liked,” shared and gif-ed over.

Ignited by Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen with its new fried chicken sandwich, fanned by Chick-fil-A in a bid to defend its turf, it’s now a bandwagon rolling downhill, a battle royal joined by other brands with chicken to hawk.

Now we’re taking the fight from the meme to the mouth.

I decided to put the main contenders in this bout to the test the old-fashioned way – eating one after the next in my car, juggling notebook, camera and napkins, promising myself some extra time at the gym afterward. 

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From left, Popeye's, Raising Canes and Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches, with Ian McNulty, photographed in New Orleans, La., Tuesday, Aug. 20, 2019.

What’s made this sandwich spat stand out is the way huge corporate brands have appeared to take it all personally, at least via their marketing proxies.

It’s a fast food fight that isn’t just spicy, but salty.

It started when Popeyes (3,100 locations) rolled out a promo Tweet for its new sandwich reading “Chicken. Brioche. Pickles. New. Sandwich. Popeyes. Nationwide. So. Good. Forgot. How. Speak. In. Complete. Sandwiches. I mean, sentences.”

Pretty funny, but maybe not to Chick-fil-A (2,400 locations). A week later, it Tweeted out its own testament of love for “the original” – meaning its own take on fried chicken served with pickles on a bun.

Popeyes' cheeky reply: “y’all good?” 

On cue, social media let it rip, throwing shade or stoking applause, each according to their brand loyalties.

It’s time to see how this all really plays out in the high-stakes realm of a cheap, fast lunch, the whole reason anyone is talking about fast food anyway.

First, a caveat. If your goal is a great fried chicken sandwich, I can point you to many on my beat here in New Orleans from independent operators that are worth a crosstown trip to try (short version: Bonafried food truck, Rum & the Lash inside Mick's Irish Pub, Sylvain, Willa Jean, Toups' Meatery, Made Grocery (formerly Simone's Market), Blue Oak BBQ on a Tuesday. But this battle is about fast food, because that’s where the fight has taken us.

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From left, fried chicken sandwiches from Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen, Raising Canes and Chick-fil-A, photographed in New Orleans, La., Tuesday, Aug. 20, 2019.

It’s also important to acknowledge up front that Louisiana has some skin in the game.

Popeyes has not been a Louisiana company for a long time, but this is where it started, in Arabi to be precise, just down river and across the parish line from New Orleans. There is still something of a familial connection for Popeyes here, so when the brand is in the news locals take note. There is also a widely-held belief among Popeyes loyalists that, even while serving the same corporate menu, the outposts in and around New Orleans prepared the food more robustly for the local palate. Could it account for a home field advantage? Maybe.     

Louisiana also hatched Raising Canes (445 locations), a fried chicken finger chain founded in Baton Rouge. Raising Canes has not issued any “One Love” chicken sandwich tweets on the matter, not as of yet. But I wanted to size up its sandwich next to the others anyway because Raising Canes is a common standard of comparison for fast food chicken around here and thus provides a helpful control factor.

Wendy's (6,700 locations) is also in here because the burger chain stepped into this fight (unwisely, as we'll see). 

All the locations I visited were within a few blocks of each other in Elmwood, the big box retail and chain restaurant hub that afforded quick comparison of one to the next.

Here they are, ranked:

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Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen's spicy fried chicken sandwich, which has sparked intense interest on social media for a cheeky marketing campaign.

No. 1: Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen

Hot take: Clearly the best of the bunch.

Tasting notes: Just like Popeyes fried chicken from the box, only without the bones. I ordered mine spicy, because I always prefer Popeyes spicy. That means it's not really spicy-spicy, just well seasoned with more than just salt (the spice seeps into the batter, but it's not painted with it). The coating is the thing. It is thick and crisp with that crunch you hear in the back of your ear and wonder if others can too (answer: they can). Against the chewy bun, a trickle of sauce that mostly tastes like thin mayo and the pickles, it’s still the texture of the chicken that sells this sandwich.

Price: $3.99

Other factors: For fast food, the wait here was long, stretching 17 minutes from arrival at restaurant to order filled.

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Raising Canes makes a fried chicken sandwich from its chicken strips and signature dipping sauce on a kaiser bun.

No. 2: Raising Canes

Hot take: Halfway to a sit-down restaurant sandwich, at half the price.

Tasting notes: The most substantial in this running, also arguably the most visually appealing. Filled with three chicken fingers instead of one cutlet, it’s also most prone to come apart (especially noteworthy for the one-handed eating of fast food on the go). The chicken is not as crisp and crunchy as it looks; the creamy sauce does help make up for the texture by adding variation. The kaiser roll is durable and brings just a bit more character and chew to the overall sandwich.

Price: $4.40

Other factors: The wait seems a little long – 10 minutes – but when the server apologized for it she really seemed sincere and I no longer cared. 

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Chick-fil-A makes a spicy chicken sandwich with pickles on a bun.

No. 3.: Chick-fil-A

Hot take: Lifted by surprising spice, deflated by flat texture.

Tasting notes: I got the spicy (coated with sauce) and it delivered. The spice level was both strong and lasting, not “Hot Ones” wing challenge, somebody-help-me spicy, but present and resonate. This was also its best virtue. The chicken and the bun have pretty much the same texture – squishy - with the pickle really the only thing to differentiate the bite. The “deluxe sandwich” ($4.45) adds lettuce, tomato and cheese and helps make up for that. The deluxe is a closer rival for the No. 2 spot to Canes, but still a notch behind it. 

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Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich. Soon, fans will be able to buy their fix from locations in Mid-City and the CBD.

Price: $3.85

Other factors: Highly efficient and friendly staff at a location that is bonkers busy, with so much traffic coming off the main road the restaurant could qualify for its own off ramp. Whatever fallout Chick-fil-A has encountered for its recently-rekindled controversy over LGBTQ issues, it remains immensely popular here. Just don't try to go on a Sunday. 

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A spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's in Elmwood, outside New Orleans, La.

Nice try award: Wendy’s

Hot take: Not in the same league

Tasting notes: Wendy’s is only in this fight because it insisted on jumping in, Tweeting that "Y’all out here fighting about which of these fools has the second best chicken sandwich." It is a distant fourth in this bout. More squishy/chewy than the Chick-fil-A sandwich, it tasted flatter than it looked.

Price: $4.99

Other factors: The staff at the drive through was very friendly and this was by far the fastest completion from arrival to eating, less than a minute.

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Email Ian McNulty at imcnulty@theadvocate.com.