Iowa Closing Arguments: It Will Be Time to Talk To Your Kids About Iowa, Again.

I. Opening Statement

Degenerates and reprobates, it is time to see how the Iowa Hawkeyes, your betters, will be in 2019. It will be boring. There will be countless, predictable, zone runs to the short side of the field. There will be drives where the offense has no actual intention of scoring. But the defense will be ferocious. In the Big 10 West, there’s not a more talented team, and the schedule isn’t that intimidating. It’s time.

II. Case History

Last year, Iowa went 9-4 winning the Outback Bowl against the Mississippi State Bulldogs. And while 9 wins is nothing to sneeze at, there’s also a lot of lingering regret over what could have been and wasted opportunities. A clownfraud trash jNW team won the division after Iowa gave away 4 very winnable games.

Iowa did lose 4 underclassman to the NFL draft in TEs Noah Fant and T.J. Hockenson, DE Anthony Nelson, and Safety Amani Hooker.

III. Discovery

IV. Timeline of Events

It’s not the easiest schedule, with wisconsin, jNW, and UNL on the road. But the only guaranteed loss is to Michigan. PSU is not intimidating this year, and we get them in Kinnick.

V. Emotional Plea

Oh hell yeah, it’s Tupac Friday.

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VI. Closing Statement

Listen, Iowa has got the best roster in the division. A consensus first team All-American in A.J. Epenesa, 2 futures first round tackles in Alaric Jackson and Tristan Wirfs. That also means they’ve got the best OL and DL in a division where line play means almost everything. Iowa also has the most experienced quarterback returning in Nate Stanley. They have the best overall team.

Also, lets take a look at what’s happened over the last couple years. Iowa’s got a president who was hand-picked by Ferentz’s booster and buddy. Incompetent oaf, Gary Barta, was just given a contract extension. If Kirk wants to be able to smoothly hand off the job to Brian, doing so with a Ferentz sycophantic administration and after a big year would be as much as he could ask for. He’s already the program’s longest tenured and winningest coach. This could be the opportunity for a great swan song.

VII. Verdict