On Tuesday, The Oregonian/OregonLive published a story called “Portland is the 4th best place to be single in the U.S.”
In it, we discussed a study from Wallet Hub, which said that Portland was a really good place to be single. We also mentioned our single coworker, Brian* (*again, not his real name), who is into activities, has good hair and works in the news business.
The response, especially from straight women, was swift: Portland, they told us, was very bad for single women and also, was Brian real ... and could they date him?
All of these responses were of course forwarded straight to Brian, including the one that helpfully linked to her LinkedIn profile and promised that she has “a real job and normal friends.”
We checked her out and she seems like a lovely person. All of the women who responded hoping to meet Brian seemed nice in fact, which led us to wonder, what is going on with the men in Portland that makes so many women interested in a man whose only known attributes are good hair, likes activities, may pay for a drink or two and also has a job in an unstable industry?
“Not a day goes by where myself or one of my mid-20 something single friends lament about how bad about the dating scene is here in Portland,” one reader, Isabelle, wrote. “I have dated in San Francisco, Seattle and Colorado, and dang though there were bad dates, they were not even close to the garbage fire that is dating in Portland.”
“I’m not sure who you are or where you came from!” wrote a reader who asked not to be named. “But I have to tell you being single for me in Portland is the worst.”
“I’d argue that Portland is one of the worst places to date as a mid-twenties single,” wrote reader Brooke. “All of the decent guys moved here with their significant other, or ‘aren’t looking for anything serious.’ If you want to date someone outdoorsy, odds are he lives in a van and barely has a day job. But if you’re looking for someone with a steady career, he probably drinks away his Friday and Saturday nights and spends Sunday glued to the TV, obsessing over his fantasy football league.”
It is, according to these women and others, very rough out there for women interested in dating men.
The men seem to be having slightly better luck, or at least they weren’t filled with despair over the state of the dating scene in Portland.
Chuck, who called himself a “dude in the suburbs” wrote in and said, “When I lived close in, it was super easy to meet people to date. Get a little older, buy a house you can afford on the other side of 205, and forget it. I’m not running into anyone I’d date at the WinCo on 122nd.”
He called dating apps “pretty awful.”
“Turn 40 and have average looks. Nobody wants that,” he wrote. “I’m doing fine, but if I weren’t as outgoing as I am, I’d be pretty lonely.”
Men on Twitter seemed even more upbeat. “I actually think the dating scene is pretty great,” wrote Scott Allen, “but maybe it’s so unbalanced that it works in our favor.”
The women in Portland, however, seem traumatized by the experience of dating here.
“This town is literally the old MTV show ‘NEXT,’” wrote Isabelle, “where you basically just go on hundreds of dates hoping to find something good, and when you do, you’re too caught up in the ‘NEXT’ mentality that you just dump a good thing. There are too many manchildren in this town, and there are too many indecisive women who don’t realize a good catch when they have one.”
“Don’t even get me started on the ghosting culture here,” she added.
“Just last week,” wrote Brooke, “after one of roommates had a horrible fifth date with a guy that showed absolutely no passion about anything whatsoever, she arrived home completely defeated and announced that she had given up dating in Portland completely.”
There were two other common complaints: Multiple women mentioned men who drink way, way too much, and also the huge number of apparently polyamorous men on dating sites. Not that they were anti-polyamory, they just are looking for someone interested in a monogamous relationship.
Portland straight men, this next part is for you. Our coworker Brian cannot possibly date all these women. He has a job! Please consider treating women a little bit better, for his sake and for theirs.
It’s hard to believe how many women were willing to go on a date with a person whose name they don’t even know, based on such thin information. He’s a great guy, don’t get us wrong, but he can’t be the only great guy in town, right?
Dudes, be nicer. Be honest about what you want. Stop drinking until you blackout. Realize that women are human beings, not objects.
And finally, advice for women, from a fellow woman, who is married to a person she for real met on Tinder: Listen when people tell you who they are. Make sure you aren’t looking for something totally unrealistic, like a supermodel who works at Nike, talks about his feelings but also chops wood for the fire in the fireplace of the home he owns, who flies you to Paris and cooks you steak. And don’t compromise on whether someone loves you and respects you for exactly who you are. Don’t think you’re going to change a jerk into a great husband, because you 100 percent aren’t. It has literally never happened not in a movie or novel.
Also, best to just find someone from Midwest. Portland men are trash*.
(*Just kidding?)