Signs of the crimes: Clark County inmates and their zodiac signs

Las Vegas police might have an easier time if they just learned to read the signs.

Whether you’re arrested in Henderson, North Las Vegas or anywhere else in the valley, odds are you’ll end up at the Clark County Detention Center. The Las Vegas Review-Journal analyzed six months of county booking data to determine which astrological signs are arrested most often for specific crimes.

What we learned: Aries love arson, Capricorns can’t tell cops the truth, and Sagittarians have sticky fingers.

Charges were distributed mostly evenly between all 12 signs, with Taurus appearing the least often and Virgo, the most common sign, appearing the most often.

Broadly, water signs are booked for more weapons charges than any other sign. Air signs dominate charges related to theft, and fire signs tend to be booked for more violent crimes than anyone else. Earth signs need to put their phones down when they drive.

The Metropolitan Police Department was unable to comment, a spokesman said, citing the fact that they “do not keep stats in that format.”

Here’s a closer look at Las Vegas crimes and the signs of their suspects:

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Some people just want to watch the world burn. Aries are assertive and energetic, and are ruled by Mars. That means they aren’t shy about starting a fight when they feel they’ve been wronged, or for any reason at all.

Aries is the cardinal fire sign, and it shows. People born under this sign make up the majority of arson suspects booked from January through July of this year. They come in first among the other signs for breach of peace and disorderly conduct arrests and are third for DUI.

Aries was the only sign in the dataset to be charged with possession of an explosive device in public. Boom!

Famous Aries include Hugh Hefner, Mariah Carey and Brendon Urie. Confirmed Aries and former “Bachelor” star Amanda Stanton was arrested in Las Vegas last year on a domestic violence charge after she allegedly battered her boyfriend in an Encore hotel room. The charge was later dropped.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Taureans crave security and comfort, and are more likely to stay at home all night than head out and cause trouble. They’re at the bottom of the list for disorderly conduct, assault and battery, resisting or obstructing police, and weapons charges.

While most signs appear in the dataset an average of about 3,300 times, Taurus appears the least with just under 3,100 charges.

They stick to the middle of the pack for most crimes, but come in first for texting while driving.

In true Taurean fashion, there are a few eccentric outliers. Taurus was the only sign to pop up in jail records for peeping into a home, and also for manufacturing or owning nunchaku or throwing stars to inflict harm.

Karl Marx and Elizabeth II were born under Taurus, along with Austin “Chumlee” Russell of “Pawn Stars” fame, who was arrested in Las Vegas on drugs and weapons charges in 2016 after officers investigating a sexual assault case found meth and at least one gun in his home. He pleaded guilty to two counts and was sentenced to probation.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Let’s start with famous Geminis for this one — Jeffrey Dahmer, Leonard Lake, David “Son of Sam” Berkowitz, Robert Lee Yates. The list goes on.

Gemini come in first for murder by a pretty wide margin. Maybe both their faces get charged?

These air signs are known for being charming and clever yet cold and calculating, and can switch between their warring personalities without warning.

Gemini, being ruled by Mercury, is associated with communication, and as a mutable sign Gemini represents fast talking and quick thinking. This sign comes in first for cheating at casinos, and Gemini was the only sign to be arrested for misconduct of a public official.

Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman were born under this sign, but it remains to be seen whether they are two different actresses or simply two halves of a single Gemini.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Despite being represented by a crab, Cancers are the most chill of all water signs. They generally lack the emotional volatility of Pisces and Scorpio, or more specifically, they direct those powerful emotions inward rather than making a show of it.

If a college kid gets booked for carrying a fake ID, odds are that person is a Cancer. They’re naturally nurturing and compassionate, but Cancer just can’t let anything go, so they’ve got no end of sorrows to drown. Apparently, in Vegas they start early.

Cancers are picked up for trespassing more than any other sign and join other summer babies near the top of the list for contempt of court.

Infamous Cancer O.J. Simpson has been spotted all across Vegas since he made parole in 2017. The Juice was sentenced to 33 years in prison after he and a group of men broke into a sports memorabilia dealer’s room at Palace Station in 2007.

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

No sign loves to put on a show like Leo. This fixed sign is ruled by the sun and is associated with creativity, courage and loyalty. It’s ruled by the fifth house, which governs creativity and romance.

Leo is tied with Scorpio for the most indecent exposure and public lewdness charges, and is second only to Cancer for contempt of court charges, because there’s nothing a Leo craves more than attention.

Like other fire signs, Leos are ruled by instinct and tend to act before they think. That puts them second in the rankings for assault and battery and makes them the third most likely sign in Vegas to be booked on a murder charge.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Amelia Earhart and most of your favorite actors were born under Leo. Former Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman is also a Leo, and just celebrated his 80th birthday this year.

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

There are so, so, so many Virgos. They’re the most common sign, probably because they’re all born about 9 months after New Year’s.

Rather appropriately, they’re at the top of the list for DUI and are the most likely sign to be accused of possessing more than an ounce of marijuana. They’re also No. 1 for drug possession charges.

Virgo is ruled by Mercury, which facilitates communication, and falls in the sixth house, which is tied to fitness and physical health. That may explain why Virgos come in first for assault and battery and disorderly conduct, and also find themselves near the top of the list for resisting, obstructing or lying to police.

Notable Virgos include Mother Teresa, Bill Murray and Dr. Phil, none of whom have been arrested in Las Vegas (as far as we know). The Flamingo hotel was named for Virgo Virginia Hill (specifically, her legs), who was the girlfriend of Vegas mobster Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel.

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Libra is the sign associated with peace and equilibrium. It’s the cardinal air sign, balancing ambition on one side of the scale and harmony on the other. Many Libras have strong ideals and a talent for organizing and working well with others.

Libras’ strength of conviction may be why they’re the sign most commonly arrested for threatening or committing acts of terrorism in Vegas. Libra also was the only sign booked between January and July for creating a disturbance in a school building.

Libras are most likely to be charged with trespassing and possessing more than a dozen marijuana plants, and fall second on the list for DUIs.

Serena Williams, Vladimir Putin and Will Smith are all Libras, along with Bruno Mars, who was arrested at the Hard Rock Hotel in 2010 on a cocaine possession charge. He made a plea deal, and the charge was later dismissed.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Scorpio is associated with sex, radical change and passionate emotions. These headstrong water signs are ruled by both Pluto and Mars, meaning people born under Scorpio are bombarded by assertive and destructive celestial influences. This manifests in bursts of creative energy and turbulent relationships.

This sign is tied with Leo for the highest number of indecent exposure and lewdness arrests. And of course, the only person arrested on a bigamy charge in the first half of the year was a Scorpio.

When it comes to crimes you commit with your clothes on, Scorpios keep their hands a bit cleaner than most signs. They’re high on the list for crimes like embezzling and forgery.

Well-known Scorpios include Whoopi Goldberg, Pablo Picasso and Charles “Lucky” Luciano, a Sicilian born rumrunner who became the head of the Genovese crime family.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Sagittarius is the most passive among the fire signs, for what that’s worth, and is associated with high thinking and blunt honesty. Air signs may be the intellectuals of the zodiac, but Sagittarius is a strong competitor.

Sagittarians come in first for charges related to burglary, robbery, forgery and fraud. It’s a mutable sign, meaning Sagittarians are more adaptable and flexible than most. That makes it easier for them to slip through unlocked windows, apparently.

The data show that you should watch your valuables around Sagittarians, especially your stash. They’re also in the top three for drug possession and sales.

Nicki Minaj, Bruce Lee and Jane Austen are all Sagittarians, and that’s something to think about.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Capricorns are characterized as practical and socially conscious. They’re as well-grounded as any other earth sign, but their heightened awareness of social graces and expectations makes them prone to insecurity.

As one of the cardinal signs, Capricorns often find themselves caught between their goals and their low self-confidence. They play it safe and stick to crimes that will net them a high return with little chance of discovery: embezzlement, extortion and racketeering.

Capricorn is also the sign most commonly booked for making false statements to police, violating animal codes, and abusing or neglecting animals.

Notorious Capricorns include Al Capone, Tiger Woods and J.D Salinger. Elvis Presley, who was born on Jan. 8, was the first Capricorn to land a residency on the Las Vegas Strip, and also the first person in general to land a residency on the Las Vegas Strip.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb.18)

Like other air signs, Aquarius is associated with intellectual pursuits. It’s ruled by the 11th house, which governs friendships and social life.

Aquarians are logical and innovative, but as a fixed sign it’s difficult to make them change their minds or compromise. They’re first for drug trafficking but fall low on the list for possession or paraphernalia. They’re just in it to make a buck.

Aquarius is second only to Sagittarius for burglary, robbery and fraud charges, but ranks high for credit card fraud, specifically.

Vince Neil has been arrested several times in Las Vegas over the years, having pleaded guilty to reckless driving in 2007, drunken driving in 2010, disorderly conduct in 2011, and misdemeanor battery in 2016, after he assaulted a woman who asked him for an autograph. Charles Darwin, Oprah Winfrey and Anton Chekhov are other big names born under Aquarius.

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Pisces are the crybabies of the zodiac, but that’s not a bad thing. These moody, dreamy water signs depend on their guts to navigate the world. Like the sea, only those in the know can predict when they’ll switch from calm to stormy.

It’s hard to get between any water sign and their guns, but Pisces are first for carrying a concealed weapon without a permit and firing a weapon into an occupied structure or vehicle. Sensitive as they are, Pisces are high on the list for charges related to animal hoarding and resisting police.

Notable Pisces who’ve made headlines in Las Vegas include mobster Bugsy Siegel and rapper Flavor Flav, who pleaded guilty to threatening his girlfriend’s then-17-year-old son with a butcher knife in 2012.

Contact Max Michor, who is a Leo and will not let anyone forget it, at mmichor@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0365. Follow @MaxMichor on Twitter.