Name: Lancing-on-Sea.
Age: Traces of a Roman temple were found on the South Downs above the village and further archeological investigation concluded that it might have been built on a Celtic sacred site – which would make it very, very old. Most of the village today is a sprawl of housing that came about after the infilling of the West Sussex coast, which happened after the second world war.
Sounds charming. Also quite big, for a village, no? It’s actually one of the biggest in the country, with getting on for 20,000 inhabitants.
Hang on, Lancing-on-Sea, West Sussex, you say … Would it be anywhere near the large village called just plain Lancing in West Sussex? Er, it’s the same place.
So where is this “on-Sea” coming from, suddenly? The parish council. It is creating signs to attach to lamp posts on the high street that read: “Lancing-on-Sea – be at the centre.” The design features blue skies, rolling green hills and a scattering of pretty buildings.
None of that postwar sprawl then. But why? The council-led Lancing Vision Group has been working on ways to help promote the village as a place to visit.
They’re trying to get people to come by pretending it’s nicer than it is. Some of Lancing is all right, but yes, basically.
And because Lancing without on-sea is something you do to boils? Possibly, that hadn’t occurred to be honest. It is more likely that it wants to be like its neighbour Shoreham, which is by-sea.
Plus there’s Goring-by-Sea on the other side. Good place for a coastal bullring, if bullfighting was acceptable. Actually, Goring’s by-Sea was also added, but some claim that was to distinguish it from Goring-on-Thames in Oxfordshire, which could end up being an expensive Uber mistake. There are no other Lancings.
So it’s all mainly driven by snobbery, keeping up with the neighbours, then? Like Staines, which changed its name to Staines-upon-Thames in 2012, to make it less like “stains”, and to try to disassociate itself from Ali G.
Aiii, booyakasha! He’s about the best reason to visit Staines, isn’t he? Also, no one calls it Staines-upon-Thames.
And presumably Lancing-on-Sea will face the same derision? It has already started on social media. “Come to Lancing if you like takeaway and charity shops,” wrote Glenn Wider Wake on Facebook. David Dunne suggested it would “be better rebrand[ed] as IKEA-on-A27 ... Sooner or later, it will be all Lancing is known for.”
Do say: “Oscar Wilde visited once, did you know? The Importance of Being Earnest went under the working title Lady Lancing.”
Don’t say: “Did you know that Lancing-on-Sea is an anagram of Ocean snag? Nil?”