Michael Cohen did himself absolutely no favors by granting a televised interview before he goes to prison.
The point was to rehabilitate his image, transforming himself from tax evader, bank swindler, and all-around liar to repentant nun. But he inadvertently revealed himself even more clearly as defeated, bitter, and without a future.
Over and over again, Cohen repeated that he “took responsibility” for his crimes and that he was done lying, as if he had any other choice. He pleaded guilty to all charges and has been sentenced to three years in prison.
This would be like blowing your savings on cocaine, snorting it all, and then triumphantly declaring, “I’m finally ready to quit!”
When you’ve admitted to years of lying, running a shady taxi medallion scheme, and other deceptions, there’s not much left to do other than go far, far away and hope the public forgets.
Cohen instead went on ABC’s “Good Morning America” to look pathetic.
“I’m angry at myself because I knew what I was doing was wrong,” he told George Stephanopoulos. “I stood up before the world yesterday, and I accepted the responsibility for my actions. The actions that I gave to a man … who I was loyal to. I should not be the only one taking responsibility for his actions.”
The actions he’s referring to are the two campaign finance violations to which he pleaded guilty, though he arguably shouldn’t have. Not that it makes much difference when you’re up against six other charges of tax fraud and lying to banks in order to secure massive loans, plus repeatedly lying to the FBI and Congress.
Cohen had misled Congress about the timeline of a failed business deal he pursued in Russia on behalf of the Trump Organization (putting us the closest we’ve come so far to demonstrating any meaningful connection between President Trump and the Kremlin).
For that, he was given a paltry two months in prison, which were to be served concurrent with the rest of his time. So, he effectively got no time for that one.
There is no way to make this not look bad for Cohen, though he put his heart into trying.
In his interview with Stephanopoulos, he said, “My family is disappointed. They’ve taught me, my mother and father, right from wrong. And I didn’t display good judgment.”
He implied Trump was guilty of “dirty deeds,” but he articulated nothing concrete and reiterated his admiration for Trump and even the Trump company.
“The Trump Organization, it’s a microcosm of even just the New York real estate market,” he said. “What did we lie about? It’s New York real estate. Yes, it’s the greatest product ever created. Is that a lie?”
Anyone who remembers Cohen from the campaign does not conjure up the image of a magnetic personality.
When a reporter for the Daily Beast called him in 2015 with questions related to one of Trump’s past marriages, Cohen jovially replied, “I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we’re in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don’t have. … So, I’m warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I’m going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting.”
On election night in 2016, after Trump was declared the winner, Cohen reportedly told friends, “Nobody’s going to be able to fuck with us. I think I’m going to run for mayor.”
You can be a talented person with no charm and still find friends, though Cohen’s talents are debatable. What you can’t be is a convicted felon with no charm in search of sympathy.
Cohen is now the latter.
Maybe the interview offered him and his family some closure. For everyone who watched, it was another embarrassment.
